Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
