I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
