why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
