I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
