Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
