the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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