So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
