who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
