there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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