i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize