So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My cat gives me a boner
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
