This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
