Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
