I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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