He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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