Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
