exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize