my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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