Please, let me fuck your mom
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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