I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize