I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
