Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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