i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
