i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize