you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
