And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
