dude i'm inner monologue high
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
