Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
