I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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