just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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