4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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