So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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