I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize