I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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