my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
