dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
