____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
