If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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