She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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