grandma shit on top of the toilet
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
