wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
