I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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