I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
