SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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