So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
