She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
