I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
