dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
