got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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