Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
