they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize