I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
