My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
