WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my vagina is haunted
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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