his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
