You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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