Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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