I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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