The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
