it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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