i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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