dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
