She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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