I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So much rum. So many feels.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize