My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
