Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
