ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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