im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I party with great urgency now.
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